We recently watched one of our favourite TV programmes – one that inspired us to make the move we did – Ben Fogle’s New Lives in the Wild, and watching it again inspired me to write a post about living in isolation.
Now we’re not as isolated as some people on that program – we just decided that was a bit too much for us when we looked at some properties that really were remote over here. You start asking yourself questions like, one if one of us had an accident or got really ill … or what would I do if the unthinkable happened and I ran out of milk for tea 😱. Our finca gave us the perfect mix of being away from society, but 5 minutes in the car or a 15 minute walk puts us in the heart of the village (which is home to just 400 people!).
Since the Coronavirus pandemic hit, people all over the world have had a taste of living an isolated life even when they live in the middle of a city, and some of the friends we talked to were amazed at how good it felt – getting off the hamster wheel of eat, sleep, work, repeat. Having more time together as a family has been a great experience for many, although I appreciate that financial worries and fears about the pandemic have overshadowed the benefits for lots of people. I will also give a shout out here to parents working from home whilst home schooling their children – hats off to you. The Valium prescriptions should be free of charge for you!
So, how did it feel to spend 24/7 with your partner? I watched my parents back in the UK, who have been married for nearly 58 years, go through a range of emotions – pulling together and being supportive, bickering, out and out shouting, and then the ‘we have to get out we’re going crazy!’ It was quite a process to watch! They usually have pretty busy lives, Dad with his bowls several times a week, mum meeting up with friends for coffee etc, and then mum does drag dad out a couple of times a week for a walk. To suddenly feel like prisoners in their own home was hard for them both.
But this is the life that Roger and I specifically chose. Yes, we go shopping once a week and see other people occasionally to wave to when they’re working on their nearby fincas, but we spend 98% of our time here on the finca, with just each other, the dog and the chickens for company. Some mates pop over very occasionally for a cuppa or some lunch, but we don’t feel the need to constantly have friends over or meet up every other day! The thought of ending up in an expat Thursday night whist club fills me with absolute dread!
Don’t get me wrong, there are the occasional days where we get on each other’s nerves a bit – it would be hard not to, but the key is good communication. It does help that we are actually best friends as well as being husband and wife. We understand each other where so many people just don’t get us – I don’t think either of us ever really fitted into modern society. It always felt a bit like I was a piece of jigsaw puzzle that was being hammered into the wrong place in the jigsaw – ‘you WILL fit in here’ – and what you end up with is a mutilated jigsaw piece!
We also respect the fact that now and again we both like a bit of time on our own, and we’ll go off doing different jobs round the finca, meeting up for a cuppa mid morning! Neither of us mind a bit of quiet – we don’t feel the need to be talking about stuff constantly – being able to sit in companionable silence is wonderful. My favourite part of the day is in the evening, sitting in the roof terrace with a cuppa – talking about what we’ve achieved that day and what we plan to do tomorrow. And then to just sit … enjoy the scenery and the sounds of the countryside getting ready for bed … and the swish of the fly swat for the zillionth time 🥴
When we need to make decisions we do it together, and if one of us is really convinced that something needs to be done a particular way then the other tries to respect that and go with that idea (although we are both capable of pulling ‘that face’!) We’re working towards the same goal here – if we didn’t pull together it just wouldn’t work. But bouncing ideas off each other is invaluable, and we do know each other well enough to know what the other would probably hate – there are times when Rog starts the conversation with ‘I know you’ll say no, but …’
We’ve had a few friends and family from the UK to visit – we enjoy seeing people but we do both find that after about 3 or 4 days we’re thinking, go on now, off home with you – that’s enough talking! We have got into a rhythm here – I won’t call it a routine – rhythm is a much better word for it – and having visitors definitely disrupts that. And now and again for a few days it’s a nice disruption. For people that knew us in the UK it’s quite mind boggling for them just how different our life is now.
Maybe we’ve just got a bit antisocial 😳 We had definitely reached the point of being so tired of peopling – it can be exhausting can’t it! Worrying about what people think, what have I done now to upset them, why don’t they just leave me alone – you know how it goes. I read a fantastic quote recently that I have really taken on board – if you feel like you have disturbed someone, then don’t disturb them again (ie. if someone is being an eejit then let them get on with it, it’s their problem, not yours!) – once upon a time I would’ve worried about this stuff – not now.
We do still do some peopling – talking to our families and friends on video calls regularly – we actually have the time now to have longer and more frequent conversations. The video calling has certainly helped our parents come to terms with our move, and I feel that we have actually got closer to our kids – which is funny, moving 1500 miles away! Some people who were friends have dropped us like hot potatoes – and that’s fine, everybody’s circle of friends changes throughout life – the trick is not to get upset about it – everyone is on their own journey.
Living an isolated life isn’t for everyone, probably not for most people to be honest, but we love it – the feeling of true calm and peace is priceless.