I will start by confessing I used to be Mrs Stressy McStressy in my old life – and if there wasn’t anything to be stressed about I would jolly well look harder until I found something! I think it was to do with making life feel meaningful – look, there’s a stressy problem, fixed it, well done me – that may sound familiar to some of you out there!
Since moving here, my outlook and attitude really have changed. Take the bathroom for example – if someone told me I would have to manage without a bathroom for 3 months, I would’ve totally Freaked (with a capital F!). I’d be lying if I said it’s been fun without a bathroom, but have I managed? Yes, of course I have!
We had a lot to deal with in the family last year, but making a conscious decision not to get stressed about it did make it all a little easier to deal with. You can’t choose or change what is happening around you, but you can choose how you react to it all.
I started trying to live in the present a few years ago, and it was really difficult to break old habits and live for the moment (which I’ve talked about in previous blogs). I did have some success – enough to make me realise that if the present is the only thing that is real, then I wanted a different ‘present’ and hence our move to here. Actually living a life that we want to live, and one that made us happy, became the focus. And in making this move, I do now find myself easily able to live for NOW. I know all the books say you should be able to do this in whatever situation you find yourself in, but when you feel utterly miserable and trapped so much of the time, and then you focus on that moment, it makes you realise just how much you don’t want to be where you are – make sense? It did to us.
I think part of the problem too is the fast pace of modern life – we can be contacted all hours of the day and night, we’re bombarded with information 24/7 and we’re expected to respond to everything immediately – and so the response is usually a knee jerk reaction rather than a considered response.
We’ve had lots of challenges to contend with since moving here, but I actually surprise myself when I hear a calm and measured response leaving my mouth – it makes me want to turn around to see who said that! The funny thing is, some of the challenges we’ve had have actually been really important, like how are we going to turn river water into drinking water! Even that stuff gets a calm response these days – I think part of that comes from my faith in Roger that he’ll have a bright idea!
I look back occasionally at some of the stuff I used to get het up about and think what a waste of time that was – obviously I don’t dwell on these things – that wouldn’t be living in the present, but I do think it’s good to be able to recognise the changes in yourself.
Having cleared my mind of the incessant chatter I now find myself able to be more creative – there are times now where we’re trying to find a solution for something and I’ll say, I’ve got an idea, and Rog says, me too – then we find we’ve both come up with the same idea – so it must be the right solution! Certainly my Roger, and maybe men in general, are better at living in the present. On many occasions I’ve said to Rog, what are you thinking about, and the reply was ‘nothing’ – and he was genuinely thinking about nothing at all! I used to think, well how does he do that???!!! There were a million things buzzing around my head constantly!
So how can you apply a more considered approach to life if you’re stuck where you don’t want to be, are worrying constantly about everything, and not feeling at peace? Well, my advice would be to create a little den somewhere at home – a corner that is just yours, where you can hide away for 10 minutes to clear your head. You should promise yourself not to think about anything – just breath. This takes practice, and one thing you mustn’t do is get cross with yourself if thoughts wander in – I always imagine a little rowing boat in front of me, and I pop any thoughts in there and let them bob away. Acknowledge you’ve had a thought, and then let it go. So then, when you do face a challenge, or you’re being asked to respond to something immediately, it will become second nature to you take a breath and just think for a moment before answering, or deciding what to do. There are times now where we’ll both take hours or days to come up with a solution to something – if you don’t force it, you have time to be creative.
When we were little my sister and I shared a small bedroom and there was a little gap between our beds. We used to put a blanket over the gap and hold it in place by piling books on the beds. For some reason we always sneaked in a bowl of dry Rice Krispies as our den snack. It was like the outside world didn’t exist – bliss! Why do we stop giving ourselves a time out place as we get older? Let’s face it, how many of you would love to revisit your childhood den right now!
The other thing I’ve just started to do is write a diary – just a notebook, that enables me to write down some of the rambling thoughts I have sometimes. It’s almost like once they’re down on paper I can let them go from my mind.
We know how lucky we are to have been able to make this change, and we know that many people have dreams to change their lives, but just aren’t in a situation to do anything about it at the moment. The covid situation has been so hard on so many over the last year, and so if ever there was a time to make yourself a den, I think it’s now.
One day at a time, breath, and trust that better days are coming, that’s my advice.