Overcoming adversity

Many things happen to us during our lives, both good and bad. Why is it then that so many people hang on to the bad stuff and let it shape their future?

It’s true that certain events can leave scars that last a lifetime, but I believe you can learn to live with them.

I always say that you can choose whether or not to become a victim of something that’s happened in your life.

Take my first marriage for example – on my wedding day I had to use extra makeup to cover the first black eye he gave me – he punched me full force while I was wearing glasses because I disagreed with him about something trivial in front of a friend. Why, I hear you shouting, did you you go through with it? Well, I was young and naive, and I believed him when he said it would never happen again. After nine years of mental and physical abuse, I met Roger, and he made me realise I deserved better. My ex husband had said to me once that if I tried to leave that he would kill our son … but I called his bluff, and he crumbled. And from that moment on he had no power over me. I left, taking Matthew and a few bits of furniture, and rented a tiny, cold house with threadbare carpets (all I could afford!), but I’d never been happier.

Many women don’t speak out about abuse – you’re made to feel ashamed – like it was your fault in some way, and that you deserved the kicks and punches. NOBODY EVER DESERVES THAT TREATMENT!

After I left, I felt empowered – if I could survive that nine years and escape to tell the tale, then there was nothing I couldn’t do! Yes, it has left some scars – I don’t take criticism very well; I don’t like being around very drunk people, and I flip if someone playfully puts a hand on my throat. I can’t help that, and that’s just part of who I am now.

But what do I choose to concentrate on these days – those miserable nine years? No! My wonderful childhood, my school years (which in the main I loved), my wonderful son and step children, all our grandchildren, the fantastic 27 years that Rog and I have been together, and the fact that I am now living my lifelong dream. It makes those nine years pale into insignificance.

So what is the point of my blog today? If it reaches one person who is in a bad relationship decides to get out, then that would make me very happy. But also to show that whatever happens in life, there will be better days ahead, but it’s up to you to do it! It doesn’t always come easy, and you have to take chances and believe in yourself, but you can have the life that you want.

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